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It is true that studying communication can become complex quickly. There are after all hundreds of variables at play. That is why I will reduce the list of variables for you to consider to just eight. If you nail these eight you will significantly improve both how well you say what you want to say and how well they hear what you want them to hear.

Honesty

Honesty is the best policy! Well, sometimes. It is a great general rule, but there are a few exceptions. Honesty is usually the most moral approach to situations, and it has several other great benefits as well.

The biggest by far is that when you are being honest you are making sure that your inside voice and your outside voice are consistent. Most people easily sense this. When you placate or otherwise obfuscate, you confuse people or upset them. Also, when you are honest, you are not adding to a pile of lies and half truths which must be remembered.

Be specific

This means be precise, clear and articulate - not general. How many times has someone told you “good job” or “this will do” or “we’ll talk later?” How about “you can do better than this” or “your work has potential” or “is this a draft or the final copy?” These comments are vague and difficult to interpret - even if they are honest. We have to strive for concrete language that someone can easily understand and visualize.

The number one way to accomplish this is to use actual examples that involve the object of interest. Do not say some guy was a schmuck (which might be honest…) when you actually meant that his shirt was wrinkled, he could not complete a sentence and he smelled funny. Get it? If you want people to listen to you instead of blowing you off while mindlessly nodding, try being very specific.

Get verified

Most people, even if sensitive to the need to be specific and clear, are not always heard. Think about it. First, you are probably not as clear as you think, due to word choice or lack of understanding of the listener’s level of knowledge of the topic. What do you do? Never assume someone actually heard and understood what you said. Ask them what they heard. Do not say “Did that make any sense?” or “Was I clear?”

It is too easy for someone to simply say yes to those questions. Have them actually repeat back to you a synopsis of what they heard. Have them give their interpretation. You will find out quickly what they got and what did not stick.

Be concise

This refers to brevity. To say too much by waxing philosophical overloads people. Talking about tangentially related issues confuses people. As a result, they sense unneeded ambiguity. This is particularly likely when the information being conveyed is negative or at least not clearly supportive of their sense of self. It is funny - it is often said that you should speak so that someone “hears” you. I say that is bunk.

Someone hearing you correctly in the moment is not the goal. The goal is for them to understand you and remember what you said. Only then does what you said have a chance to add any value. The more you strive for brevity - the better the odds what you say will be remembered.

Validate

Another excellent way to get them to remember is to be validating. Please note, validating is not synonymous with complementing. When you hear one of your employees or peers make a statement that is useful, smart, helpful or simply downright correct - feel free to be openly complimentary. The tricky part, and the much more important part, is how to react when what they share is of indeterminate value or maybe even sounds stupid. Here we need to validate. To validate means to support the comment or effort. It does not mean to provide a value judgment about the content of what was shared.

When someone says something silly, stupid or otherwise completely useless you tell them, “Thanks for the comment, I will have to consider that” or “I had not thought of that.” There are many ways to say “thanks” without saying, “Thanks - that was good!” Learning how to validate is vital to communication since it tells people you appreciate their participation in the process, their efforts. The more you can develop this skill, the more likely your people will stay engaged and eventually say something or have an idea that you can not only validate, but compliment.

Be timely

This refers to when and how often to communicate. When is information useful? When it can be used to do something of value. When do you give feedback, provide advice, tell employees about changes to the absentee policy or tell them about the ban on blue jeans at the office? Tell them as soon as it is possible to do so if it is useful for them to know.

If feedback is not close in time to the performance in question, it will not be useful. The behavior in question has started to become a fuzzy memory the longer you wait, and the person is now focused on new tasks. If you wait too long, people will conjure up their own explanation, and they will have serious doubts about how much you value them and their work.

Listen

This is the hidden secret to effective communication. It has been said that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. Great communication is not always about running your mouth. What do most listeners in a one-on-one conversation actually do? Do they actively process what you are saying and focus on your message? Most of us are not actually listening - and this is particularly true when we are talking to our boss or someone with more expertise or authority.

We stop listening after the first few sentences and begin thinking deeply about what in the heck we are going to say in return to dazzle and impress. Instead, we must get focused, stop multi-tasking, stop prematurely evaluating the content of the message, take some notes, and repeat what they say or quiz them. All of which are common, but too often neglected, tactics for effective listening.

Choose your channels wisely

Why is it that we insist on emailing people who are three cubicles down from us? Email can be dangerous. I am not talking about writing offensive notes intended for friends that are accidentally sent to the boss. I am talking about our inability to make simple black words on a screen convey the full meaning we intend. I can assure you that we are not the best linguists. Further, no amount of underlining or use of creative fonts can come close to providing the range and complexity of emotions expressed by actual humans. When in doubt, get face-to-face with the person or at least pick up the phone. Every channel has a different “richness.” Face-to-face trumps a high quality video conference which trumps the phone which trumps email. The more important the issue to be discussed, you guessed it - the richer the channel needs to be.

That’s a short version of what it takes to communicate effectively. Yes, changing your behaviors to adhere to standards like these can be tricky, but the good news is that these are skills which can be learned. Do yourself a favor and find a quality colleague who can give you really honest feedback about which if any of these you should give more attention. My prediction is that you might be surprised by what you learn!